January Monthly Roundup-Feeling Stuck.

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I want to start this blog post with a little blurb about a new idea. This idea! I thought I would start a series called ‘Monthly Roundup.’ In it, I would highlight everything that happened during the month and all the thoughts I had during the month. Might add a few bits about the books, tv shows, etc. that I read, watched, etc. too. What do you think? You think that would be interesting? Even if you don’t, I still want to do this for my own memories and look back on them and see how far I’ve come during the year. For me, I think that would be kind of fun. I know that’s not the usual content I would typically put on here, but there you go. Let me know what you think. Now onto our regularly scheduled programming (lol!).

Before I get started on this post, I want to add a bit of a disclaimer. This post is going to be a bit of a downer. I think it’s important that I share this with you. If you don’t continue to read after this point, that’s fine. But I hope you do because I think it’s important to share all sides of me with you. Just in case you are going through something similarly, I hope this post helps you to not feel alone.

If I could summarize my January into one word, that word would be CRAP!

For most, January is the time to start on the year’s goals you’ve set for yourself and get down to business and be productive. For me, it was the total opposite. I found myself in a depression. I was in the wrong mindset for the majority of the month. I didn’t want to do much of anything. I didn’t feel like working on the blog. I didn’t feel like leaving the house much. It was just a pretty bad time overall for me.

I was very much in my head about certain things. I had a lot of worries and anxiety about things going on in my personal life and my family’s life. I’m about to discuss some of these things with you, but I am a tiny bit hesitant to do so. It’s scary baring your soul, especially on the Internet because people are pretty ruthless on here. I’m pushing past this because I hope this will help you, the reader, if you find yourself feeling the same way.

Like I said, there were some pretty crappy things happening in my life during the month of January. My dad’s health wasn’t the greatest. This is something I have had to deal with my whole life. I think I was just born worrying about my dad. As he has gotten older, and I have gotten older, those worries and his medical issues have increased. But, that’s all I want to say about that. Because that stuff, to me, should stay private. Or at least the details of that should stay private.

Now, for me. The anxieties I experienced, I felt, raised exponentially higher for me this year and this month. I started constantly worrying about where I am in my life. I was constantly comparing my journey to others (total strangers) and to my friends’. I know! Very unhealthy. But, I just couldn’t help it. It all started piling up on me. I kept thinking to myself, ‘I’m 30 years old and I’m still living with my parents (something I’m sort of embarrassed about, even though I know is common these days). I still rely on them for things I should be able to provide for myself now. I haven’t got a significant other, blah, blah, blah!‘

All of these thoughts, and more, swirled around my brain for weeks. I tried to shake them, but I just couldn’t. I kept trying to remind myself that these are all temporary and they will go away. You are right where you’re supposed to be in your journey. Good things are coming. Here’s the thing, I’ve always been a late bloomer. Slow at everything. I like to take my time. And that is exactly what I need to remind myself about every day. My journey is different than others, and that it okay. Everyone’s journey is different.

I told you this one was a downer!

As for all the other things I want to include in these posts, I didn’t do a whole lot of them during January. There were no new books I was reading. Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, I did start reading The Actor’s Life by Jenna Fischer. I’m only like a chapter in, so I can’t say much about it. I am a really slow reader, so as soon as I’m done I will write about it here. I did watch a lot of YouTube and a lot of TV, but none of that was new. No new beauty bits or beauty favorites. I was kind of boring.

I know this is coming at the end of February/beginning of March, but I honestly wanted to make sure that I covered everything in this first ‘Monthly Roundup’ post. As I am typing this, I’m already thinking of and writing down everything about February. And starting the March list as well. So, look out for that one coming soon.

Jess xx